Kitchen Dictator

I was editing a chapter of my draft novel Divine Gift when I came across Sy saying this line I liked to Theodora.

The story focuses on the simple aspects of life drawing a couple together into a shared life.

In contrast to the propaganda about grand gestures, drudgery, one-sided obligation, dramatic conflict, or sexual acrobatics, the story explores openness, honesty, trust, caring, protection, and emotional intimacy.

A term that I frequently use across my draft stories is “kitchen dictator,” which is the person in charge of the kitchen during a particular meal prep.

It comes in response to the feminist idea of “emotional labor,” which is essentially intended to criticize husbands for not doing housework with the irrational concept of needing to split every task 50-50. In contrast, in my stories, such acts are portrayed as “emotional intimacy” through which the acting partner expresses their care for the other as an act of kinesthetic communication (so not verbal).

IMHO, and I think most men probably agree, the most competent person should do a particular task. Given the stereotype of a wife complaining that he does not do a task properly, that husband hears that she is better at it so she should do it. Meanwhile, husbands do take initiative to do household tasks that a wife performs poorly as those are necessary tasks adults just do.

In my drafted stories that involve a relationship, sometimes the woman cooks, sometimes the man cooks; however, when they are both competent, then they take turns. When they cook together at the same time, one has to be in charge, thus for that meal he or she is kitchen dictator for that meal while the other partner acts in the role of the lovely assistant. Merit and competence are the rule not traditional roles.

In most of my stories with cooking, the man cooks either half or all the time. When the woman does not cook, it is usually a story about a troubled relationship with her lack of cooking dramatizing her lack of care for him. Of course, the woman in a relationship is not obligated to cook as she might just suck at it so she should not be empowered to be kitchen dictator.